The Boy With the Broken Smile
by HellishHope
Summary: Remus and James fight to save Sirius from the home and memories which threaten to ruin him forever, but without his cooperation is it too late for this Marauder? Only time will tell what will become of the eldest Black and his friends. Remus/Sirius.
1. Nightmares

**Warning: This story contains mention of homosexuality, child abuse, language and other themes which may be considered offensive. (If you're not mature enough to read, don't.)**

Remus Lupin was awakened from a sound sleep by faint sounds of whimpering from across the room. He stirred in his bed for a moment in that stage between sleep and waking. His bed was warm and soft and he hugged his pillow close and shut his eyes tight in an attempt to fall back asleep, but was immediately roused to waking by the sound of quiet sobbing from across the room where his boyfriend lay sleeping. He quickly climbed out of his bed and stood on shaky legs. He spotted Sirius curled up on his bed hugging his pillow close to himself. The dark-haired boy had wet streaks down his face where he had been crying in his sleep, but the crying had ceased. Remus sat down at the edge of Sirius's bed and gently dried his lover's beautiful face. He could feel Sirius trembling and heard his indistinct muttering in his sleep. Remus laid down beside the love of his life and wrapped him arms around him carefully. Pulling Sirius close, he positioned him so that the other young man could rest his head on his shoulder. Sirius contined to shake and the soft-spoken words continued to fall from his lips. Remus carefully ran his fingers through the frightened young man's hair.

Remus had sadly become accustomed to being awakened by Sirius's nightmares. The arrogant, flirtatious, outlandish young man that Lupin had fallen so desperately in love with had grown up in a home full of all forms of abuse. A "home" where calling a child as young as five horrible names was not just accepted, but expected. A "home" where a child learned to hold all of his emotions beneath a glass facade just hoping to avoid the daily beatings. A "home" where an innocent child had learned to associate all physical contact with pain and humiliation so that the first time Remus had reached out to touch his beautiful face, Sirius had just jumped and flinched thinking that one he loved so much had reached out to slap him for absolutely no reason at all. Remus remembered pulling his hand back and gazing into Sirius's eyes trying to reassure him that he would never mean to hurt him and that he was there to be his comfort and refuge. Sirius had stared down at his feet for a moment trying to regain his composure - trying to pretend that his mask had not fallen off.

Remus now sat looking at a Sirius who could not put his mask back on and held him close as the nightmare driven mutterings became louder."...don't...please...I'll do better...I promise...not the belt...I'm sorry that I'm bad...sorry...sorry...sorry...mother..." Remus's heart broke at these words and at the thought of whatever nightmares were tormenting his boyfriend. For a moment, he considered waking Sirius, but he knew that if he woke him every time he had a nightmare that Sirius would never sleep through the night. Remus tried his best to comfort him by holding him close and quieting his crying. The boy had stopped his incoherent rambling and was just shaking like the frightened child he was in all of his nightmares.

From the corner of his eyes, Remus saw James get out of his bed and stride over. The messy-haired youth sat down beside Remus. "Rough night for him, Moony?" James questioned. As Padfoot's best friend, James was completely familiar with Sirius's night time terrors. Remus nodded solemnly and inquired in a whisper."Prongs, what the hell did his mother say in that howler? Sirius has nightmares more often than not, but I've never felt him shake this much. What did that bitch say to him? He wouldn't tell me." James' face paled visibly and he began to ruffle his hair which was a sure sign that he was nervous. A few minutes passed before Remus spoke,

"James... He's your best friend and my boyfriend... there's no one in this world who care about him more than you and me... We need to both be here for him. That means that I need to know what has put him in such a state and I know that it was something...that...horrid woman did. So, tell me, James." James looked first at Remus and then stared at Sirius's face. His best friend was still trembling and pain was written across his face as plain as day.

Remus watched as James closed his eyes and braced himself before he slowly began, "Regulus told her about your relationship... She was less than pleased to discover that her oldest son was not planning on having a biological child to carry on the noble lineage of the House of Black." Remus nodded numbly; understanding that Sirius had once and for all chosen his love for Remus over his genuine fear of his family.

"What else do I need to know, Prongs?" Remus dared to question, unsure that he wanted an answer. James stared down at the floor as if it had the answer of how to get into Lily Evans' pants written upon it and began what was obviously going to be an uncomfortable explanation. "I know Sirius has told you... certain things that his parents did to him... that they both verbally abused him, that they physically abused him, that they neglected him...failed to love him like a child needs...that they made him go weeks without food...and days without water..about being locked in the basement...just because he failed to bow properly when an important Ministry official came to visit. But even though you know all that, there are certain things ... he didn't tell you...certain things he was too ashamed to tell... that I only know because he had to tell me when I asked him about certain...disturbing things I heard him say in his sleep... I'm only going to tell you this because I know how much you love him and I believe that you can help him. But Remus, if anyone else... even Peter finds out about this... Sirius will never trust either of us again. Do you understand, Moony?" Remus nodded and tried to brace himself for whatever horrendous treatment could be worse than what he already knew- whatever Sirius could have been through that was even more hellish for him.

James' voice shook as he began, "Sirius was... abused in... other ways... ...that woman who doesn't deserve to be called a mother used to... used to... use him... used to use his body...she did things to him...made him do things when he shouldn't have even known about them...I heard him crying once in his sleep when we were First Years begging...begging not to be touched...like that..." James had tears in the corners of his eyes and Remus's heart was pounding, but James began sharing Sirius' traumatic tale again." I woke him up... he was sobbing in his sleep... he didn't tell me details, but he... made clear what he had been through... He told me that it had stopped- that he must have been too old for her then, but it had went on for years... from his earliest memories until he left for Hogwarts...That howler...she...she said she didn't believe he was gay... that it was just some excuse to ruin their name...another one of his selfish pranks, but the worst was that... she said that she knew he liked girls... that bitch insinuated... that he had liked it... she all, but said that he had... enjoyed his body being used for things he didn't want... when he was too young to even understand what was happening."

Remus's heart had stopped- he didn't know what to say, what to think or how to respond... he wanted to take Sirius somewhere far away from anyone... somewhere that only the Marauders knew how to get to... somewhere Sirius would never be hurt again. Remus finally asked in a dead voice, "...why didn't he... why doesn't he want me to know?" James looked at Remus and told him the truth, "When we were younger, he didn't want you to know because he didn't want you look at him any differently... when you started dating... he didn't tell you because he wants to believe that it didn't happen... he wanted to believe that you were the only person he had ever... ever been with like that..."

Remus felt the anger rising in him- he wanted to break something or anything, but he would prefer to destroy that woman who had hurt someone so wonderful so badly that he had to hold all of his hurt inside. He held Sirius closer and the tears began running down his face at the thought of any child especially his Sirius being treated so unspeakably by someone he should have been able to trust. James looked uncomfortable, but more than that he looked shaken. Remus understood of course that James loved Sirius differently, but almost as much as Remus loved him. James whispered, "I'll leave you two alone now..." and walked over to his bed which he crawled into and pretended to sleep.

Remus hugged Sirius close and must have held him too tight because Sirius woke with a start. Upon seeing Remus, his face took on a calmness that it didn't have in normal circumstances. "Hey, babe..." Remus whispered with a catch in his voice.

Sirius hugged him and buried his face in Remus's shoulder, "Will you sleep with me tonight, Moony?"

"Sure, Sirius..." Remus replied and pulled the blankets over them. He held Sirius tight and they fit together perfectly as they drifted to sleep.

**Author's Note: I appreciate reviews! I appreciate criticism. Feel free to tell me what you think!**


	2. Last Day at Hogwarts

**Warning: This story contains a _romantic_ relationship between two gentlemen. (Not mature enough to read it? Don't.)  
**

The next morning, Sirius awoke to find himself wrapped in his boyfriend's arms. His touch was gentle and reassuring, but he couldn't remember him crawling into bed with him.

"Hey there, Moony" Sirius said snuggling against him. Remus opened his eyes lazily and kissed Sirius gently and replied, "Good morning, Padfoot." James and Peter were still sound asleep and Peter was snoring so loud that Remus considered it a wonder that he didn't rouse all of Hogwarts. Sirius who was usually the dominant one in the relationship sat at the foot of his bed and playfully dragged Remus onto his lap. Remus went willingly and hugged the other boy close to himself.

"I wasn't expecting to find you in bed with me this morning, Remus. Not that I blame you for not being able to resist the most charming fellow at school" Sirius flirted with a wink. Remus thought back to the startling revelation he had been given the previous night and found it much more difficult to joke.

Sirius must have noticed the change in Remus's expression because he tilted his head at him and inquired, "Is there something wrong?" Remus shook his head and stood up. "We should probably wake James and Peter up before they're late for class again" Remus commented changing the conversation. He had not yet decided how he wanted to handle the information he had been given late last night/early that morning. Sirius threw a pillow at James' head playfully and James leapt from his bed with a start; Sirius then threw a pillow at Peter's thick head, but the chubby youth merely continued to snore. James tossed the pillow back to Sirius and rolled Peter out of his bed as a means of waking him up.

Peter hit the floor with a thud and slowly convinced himself to stand up off the floor. "What did you do that for" he questioned James while yawning loudly. "Because it's near impossible to get you out of bed any other way, Wormtail" James continued with a goofy grin, "I still can't believe that you slept through half of the Divination O.W.L."

Peter looked perplexed for a minute, "Wait a second... you always say that you could sleep through the entire class..." James shook his head, "I can't believe that you actually did it, though, Peter." Remus nodded his agreement and commented, "What I can't believe is that none of you did you studied for your History of Magic O.W.L. last night."

Sirius had been walking to his dresser to search for some clean socks, but he stopped in his tracks and quickly spoke, "What? I forgot to study last night? Why didn't somebody tell me about this?"

Remus gave him a side-ways glance, "Since when, does Sirius Black care about his schoolwork?" "Well, I don't exactly want to have to have to repeat Fifth Year, you fairy." Sirius replied while sticking his tongue out in his typical playful manner.

"Who are you calling a fairy? You troublemaker" Remus shot back, he was trying to remain as normal as possible until he decided how and if to approach his boyfriend about the heart wrenching revelation he had been given by James. Remus tried to discreetly look at James and judged by the expression on his face that Prongs was still a bit troubled about their late night conversation. Whatever silent conversation might have occurred between the two was almost immediately interrupted by Peter's interjection, "I can't wait to go home for the holiday. Then we won't have any of this work to worry about."

Remus then realized that it was almost summer and the love of his life was going to be forced to go back to that horrible family and to that vile woman; Remus couldn't allow that to happen after that howler, but he had no idea how to prevent it. He knew that Mr. and Mrs. Black would never allow Sirius to spend the holiday with James because even though he was a pure-blood, his family was considered a bunch of blood traitors, Sirius spending the holiday with Remus was not an option because he was a half-blood and Peter's parents were too strict to tolerate another youngster spending the summer at their home. Remus knew that he had to find some other place for Sirius to spend the summer, but he had no idea where that might be and there was no time to waste considering it. Remus made up his mind that during breakfast he and James would go to Dumbledore's headmaster office and would intervene on Sirius's behalf. James and Peter had put their robes on and were grabbing their wands and books in preparation for the final day of school.

Sirius was standing in his boxers and picked up James' hair brush (Remus had no idea why James had a hair brush. It certainly had absolutely no effect on his hair) which he proceeded to use like a muggle microphone.

"She keeps her moet et chandon in her pretty cabinet. 'Let them eat cake' she say's just like Marie Antoinette..." Peter developed a pain look on his face and James placed his hands over his ears and dropped to his knees, begging "Please, Sirius... you've got to stop this muggle music. What in the world is a "moet et chandon," anyway?"

Sirius put the hair brush down, but put his hands on his hips and complained loudly in a mockingly posh voice, "Oh my gosh... James, I can't believe you. That was Queen and they are absolutely spectacular and it doesn't matter what a "moet et chandon" is because what matters is that their lead singer Freddie Mercury is gorgeous and the only man I would consider leaving my Moony for." Sirius then glanced at Remus and must have assumed that the worried expression on his face was a result of the comment he had made about leaving Remus for some muggle musician and Sirius quickly tried to reassure him, "I was only fooling around, Moony. I wouldn't leave you anyone- he's a bit too hairy for my taste, anyway."

Remus tried to smile and replied, "I'm not worried about it, Sirius. Some muggle wouldn't be able to help you with your studies and you'd have to come running right back to me." Sirius strode over to Remus and wrapped his arms around him hugging his close. James and Peter both covered their faces with hands and James requested in a frightened voice, "Please, Sirius... at least get dressed before you start to get all touchy feely..." Remus managed to wiggle out of Sirius's arms and picked up his wand and books. "Everyone else is ready to go, Sirius. You should probably get dressed."James offered.

"Stop being such an ex... exa...exa-whatever, Padfoot" Peter tried to request. "I think the word you were searching for so desperately there is 'exhibitionist,' Wormtail." Remus suggested. Sirius quickly put his robes on and found some dirty socks on the floor which he sniffed and after deciding that they were good enough for at least one more day of use, he slipped them on.

Remus pulled James over to the side and whispered, "We need to talk to Dumbledore, there is no way that he should go back to that house." James ran his fingers through his hair and suggested, "Well...Tell you what, I'll tell Peter that Sirius has a plan for a new prank to pull on Snape and Peter will keep him occupied for awhile. That way we'll be able to go to Dumbledore in private." Remus nodded and James went over to Peter and whispered something in his ear. "Really? Sirius you have got to tell me all about this prank that you've come up with for Snape. If we get it all planned out now, we might even be able to pull it on the ride to Hogwarts next year."

Sirius's face brightened at Wormtail's obvious admiration and the two walked down to the great hall whispering and laughing back and forth. James and Remus quickly headed down to the headmaster's office. When they reached the door, they found Professor Dumbledore just exiting. "Please, sir we have to talk to you." Remus spoke quickly. "It's very important, sir." James added. "It has to do with Sirius Black. We don't think he should have to go back home for the holiday." Remus said in his most adult voice. "They're really horrible to him, sir. We're afraid for him. They've done terrible things to him before and Regulus told him some stuff...about..." James tried to explain, but was unsure exactly what was too much information for the headmaster to be given.

"Regulus told them that Sirius and I are a couple, sir." Remus said desperately hoping that he was right in believing that Professor Albus Dumbledore as much too kind and intelligent to be among the world's homophobic masses. The headmaster began to stroke his beard in a manner that indicated that he was deep in thought. "Gentlemen," he began, "I am afraid that I do not have the ability to legally keep a student from his or her family. However, I do know the proper channels to go through in order to have someone from a wizarding family placed into... well, something quite similar to the muggles' foster care." James and Remus looked at each other with worried expressions. Noticing this exchange of glances, Professor Dumbledore surmised that neither pupil had any idea what foster care was exactly.

"If it was possible to prove that Sirius was being mistreated, I could go to the ministry and provide them with this evidence. This evidence would allow them to make a case against Orion and Walburga Black. If this case could hold up in court, Sirius would be taken from them and given to a different family. It would not necessarily be pure-blood, but he would be placed with a family that was part of the wizarding world so that we would not have to explain Hogwarts or the ministry to a muggle family."

Remus was partially relieved by this news and said, "Sirius has told both of us about some awful things that they have put him through- some really awful stuff. We'd both be willing to testify to whoever needed to hear." The headmaster looked at the boys kindly and informed them as gently as possible, "I am sure that you boys mean well. However, the most important person I need to speak with is Sirius himself. If he is to be removed from his parent's home, then he will have to at least give a statement and most likely testify against them in court."

James now looked really worried and his voice sounded like gravel when he replied, "But, sir... Sirius doesn't like talking about this stuff... I'm his best friend and Remus is his boyfriend, that's the only reason that he even told us... Besides, sir, his parents have really hurt him. He rebels against them, but deep down I think he is really afraid of them. Please... Can't you just take our word for it?"

Dumbledore began to stroke his beard and commented in a worried voice, "I honestly wish that it wouldn't be necessary to put Sirius through this, but if he is being harmed at home then it is absolutely necessary that I speak with him and that he is examined by Poppy Pomfrey. If she can find evidence of numerous unexplainable injuries, this would provide a solid foundation for having Sirius taken from his home."

Now it was Remus's turn to sound worried, "But, sir... Sirius is afraid of the Hospital Wing... He says something about it gives him chills up and down his spine."

"Gentlemen, if you care about Mr. Black as much as you claim to, then it is your responsibility to help convince him to do whatever needs to be done to protect him from harm. Do you think you can do that for your, friend?"

Both James and Remus nodded and James spoke up, "We will, sir. We'll do anything to help him." Professor Albus Dumbledore nodded and instructed, "In that case, gentlemen you shall escort me down to the hall and we will bring young Mr. Black up here for a very serious conversation."

The three of them walked in silence down to the great hall and when they reached it, James and Remus led Dumbledore to the table where the four friends normally sat together. Remus was stunned to see that neither Sirius nor Peter were at their seats and gazed quickly to the Slytherin table expecting to see the two boys tormenting Snape.

Evidently the headmaster was just as surprised as James and Remus that Sirius was absent, because he marched over to Professor McGonagall and inquired in a half whisper, "Minerva, do you happen to know where Sirius Black has disappeared to? I need to speak with him immediately."

Professor McGonagall looked surprised and replied quietly, "Yes, I do. You see, Mr. and Mrs. Orion Black picked him up early for the summer. I tried to explain to them that Sirius needed to take his History of Magic O.W.L today, but they refused to listen."

Remus felt his heart stop and his throat seemed to close in that instant as panic filled him. Thoughts flooded his mind - _He can't have left already. Regulus told them about us... What are they going to do to him?_

**Author's note: _Please_ review and let me know what you think. A simple "I liked it" or "I didn't like it because…." is sufficient, but please don't leave pointless flames.**


	3. Of A Pocket Knife and Booze

**WARNING: This story contains romantic love between two gentlemen, swearing and mentions of alcohol and self-injury. If you are not mature enough to read it, please be mature enough to hit the back button.**

Sirius sat alone in his room staring at the broken albums which littered his floor. The things which his parents had screamed at him rang in his ears. What they had called him, what they had said he would be, but worst of all what they had said about Remus all pounded through his head.

His brother had betrayed him, yet again. It was not unusual; Regulus had been doing it since they were children. He was the good son- the one who always did as he was told, who picked the right friends, who had been sorted into Slytherin and who believed all of their fanatical pure-blood jargon. Regulus had sent their mother a letter telling them about his romantic entanglement with a male half-blood and his parents had taken him home from Hogwarts early for the summer.

Sirius covered his face with his hands and listened to the voices in his head repeat everything his parents had hurled at him with such hate in their voices.

_You are worthless. You are a disgrace. You can't do anything right. The wizarding community would be better off without you. You're not any better than a common mud-blood. How dare you soil our name like this? First, you were sorted into Gryiffindor. Next, you befriend that blood-traitor Potter and that half-blood Lupin. You carry all of this muggle nonsense into our home. You're the biggest troublemaker at Hogwarts and you neglect all of your studies, but that wasn't good enough for you. That wasn't enough to shame the noble House of Black. You had to tell everyone at school that you are gay. Gay! Some half-blood's bitch is what you claim to be. I'll tell you what you are going to be. You are going to be the biggest disappointment this family has ever known if you don't change your ways. I wish you were never born. Our lives would be so much better if Regulus had been born first. Regulus tells us that you claim to love this bastard Lupin, but I will tell you something. He doesn't love you; no one does and no one can. How could anyone love someone so ignorant, so ugly, so insignificant? Tell us, Sirius. How could anyone ever love you? He's just using you to try and improve his standing in the community. Some desperate queer using you because he hopes dating someone from a family as pure as ours will bring him the right connections. _

They had thrown insult after insult after insult at him after that. He had been called everything from a slut to a fool. His head was pounding and he struggled to hold back the tears. When he was eight years old his father had punched him in the face for playing with a muggle boy from the neighborhood and when he saw Sirius land on the floor, he laughed and told him to cry like the infant he was.

From that moment on, Sirius had cried only in his sleep. He had to find a way to vent without crying. His parents had broken all of his muggle albums in their fit of rage and loathing. Sirius too, felt the need to break something. Everything inside him wanted to tear something apart, to cause destruction and to just break anything and everything, but he couldn't. His parents smashed things in when they were feeling destructive and Sirius didn't want to be like them. He refused to be like them.

Sirius's own thoughts were going down a destructive path: _It's too much... I can't do this...I can't spend a whole summer holding all this in... I've got to break something...I just want to hurt something... ... no, I want to hurt someone...I want to hurt my parents and I want to hurt Regulus... ... I don't care who I hurt... ...me... I'll just hurt myself... it's not like there's anyone here who cares... it doesn't matter... I just need to break something... to break someone... to hurt someone... so I'll use myself... _

Sirius glanced around the room and spotted a muggle pocket knife that James had found and given him years before laying on his dresser. He picked it up from the dresser and flicked it open. It looked sharp, metallic, and dangerous. Before he could consider what he was doing, Sirius sat on his bed and pulled off his robe. He laid the knife against his upper arm and pressed down. In that moment, Sirius felt pain flood his body and his world which had previously been clouded by the things his parents had said began to clear. In that moment, Sirius was the one hurting himself, instead of merely playing the victim for everyone and everything else.

In that moment, Sirius found his new best friend. He realized he had hardly scratched the surface of his skin and that he could see the blood, but the blood would not run. So, he laid the knife back against the skin directly under the previous cut and dragged it across.

This time, the blood ran red and the pain was worse, but that was what he wanted. He wanted that beautiful reassuring pain to let him know that despite the hell hole he was in, he was real. He had learned to push all of his emotions down, but with that knife he had discovered that he could let all the pain and hurt and loneliness and hate and self-loathing he had hidden come to the surface, but he was still in charge. He could let it all out while maintaining control.

So, he dragged the knife a third time across his arm and the blood ran ruby red. The blood of the noble House of Black which his parents found so precious and the blood which they had beaten out of him on so many occasions. He was finally in control of it and he was finally the one doing the hurting.

He put the knife down for a moment and stared at his arm. Three cuts shone with blood and two were raining blood down his arm. He decided that it wasn't enough. He strode over to his dresser where he found a package of cigarettes in the top dresser hidden away from his parents.

He pulled one out and after lighting it, he took a quick drag. Then he pressed it against the skin of his other arm. Pain was flooding his brain and comforting him. The pain told him that he could feel, that no matter how much his parents tried to convince him otherwise, he still had control over something. He existed. Outside of their expectations and their rules and their pure-blood ideology, he could make his own decisions.

He pressed the cigarette against his skin a second time and held it there longer than he had previously. He felt relieved. He felt as if something which had been weighing him down had been taken off his chest and he wanted to celebrate. He wanted to celebrate what he felt was a victory for him- he didn't have many.

So, he lifted a flask of Firewhiskey which he had hidden with his cigarettes out of his dresser. He sat on his bed and leaned his head against the wall and opened the bottle. He lifted it to his lips and felt it rush like liquid heat down his throat. After finishing the bottle, Sirius drifted into a troubled sleep.

Two weeks later, things had not much changed. He spent all of his time alone in his room or sneaking out of the house to trade Firewhiskey for cigarettes from the neighborhood muggle teenagers. He could not receive any news from the outside world and the prospect of an entire summer of only being able to communicate with fellow pure-bloods made him more than a little unstable.

He was sitting on his bed starting his second pack of the day, when Regulus barged into the room. The younger Black stared at his brother with a sneer and Sirius merely defiantly took another drag from his cigarette.

"What do you want, Reg? Don't you think you've done enough already?" Sirius began with a stubborn look on his face.

"I have already told you several times, Sirius. Do not call me "Reg." I do not know why you are angry with me. You are the one who let all of Hogwarts know that you were bedding some homosexual half-blood. What was the problem, Sirius? Could you not get a Slytherin to participate in your perverse desires? Had to settle for that Lupin? You know, Snape has made some interesting hints about him being something worse than the average half-blood." Regulus taunted with the typical arrogant Black smirk.

Sirius stood up and strode over to his window and stared out as he tried to ignore his brother. However, Regulus was determined to mock and torment Sirius until he was satisfied that Sirius was as miserable as possible.

"Come on, Sirius. Talk to me. I hear that brothers are supposed to share their sexual escapades with each other. So, tell me... Who was the bitch? I bet it was you. You let that filthy half-blood get on top of you and ride you like an animal. Did it hurt, Sirius? Did you cry? Aww... Did he hold you afterward and tell you how pretty he thought you were? Was it everything a _girl_ wants her first time to be?" Regulus mocked sarcastically.

Sirius clenched his fist and tried to hold all of his anger beneath the surface. He imagined his knife pressing into his skin and promised himself that just as soon as Regulus shut his mouth and got out of his room that he would **dig** that knife down and find himself in that pure pain. But Regulus had no intention of leaving until he was satisfied that he had caused his older brother as much pain as he possibly could. Noting that his approach had not worked so far, Regulus decided to try a different tactic.

"You know, Sirius... I was wrong. I shouldn't have said those things. After all, I'm sure it was a purely physical thing. That Lupin is so small and frail and so feminine, anyway. It's sad how desperate he is to be liked. Everyone at Hogwarts knows that he does all of your homework and I'm sure you merely used his pathetic need to be appreciated for your own gain. You must have told him that if he let you screw him that he could join up with your little club."

Sirius had never been so angry in his life. He could feel his head pounding, his blood racing and the world seemed to slow down around him. "Shut the hell up! You have **no** right to talk about him like that. You aren't good enough to speak his name, you despicable piece of shit." Sirius screamed at his younger brother.

Regulus began to grin and he knew that he had found the right thing to say to push Sirius to the point of no return, Sirius couldn't take it anymore and he wouldn't take it anymore.

"Was that bastard Lupin silent when you took his virginity, brother? Did he scream or moan? How about you? Did you lie to his face? Did you tell him that you loved him so he would stop complaining about the pain?"

He picked up his willow wand and lifted it up as he turned to face his brother, "I warn you, Regulus Black if you are not silent from here on out, I will make you regret it."

Regulus ignored the obvious rage in Sirius's voice and replied, "Was it just you he had to let screw him in order to join the club? I don't imagine so. I bet that blood-traitor Potter and even that disgusting Pettigrew got in on the action. Did you take turns? Draw straws for who took his virginity? Who went first, Sirius?"

At that moment, Sirius lost whatever control he had been maintaining. He pointed his wand out his brother and in a fit of rage screamed, "AVADA KEDAV..."

Walburga and Orion Black interrupted him as they rushed into the room at that moment and quickly deciphered what had been about to occur. Walburga indicated for Regulus to leave the room and the younger boy looked like he was going to pass out from fright as he ran from the room.

Mr. and Mrs. Black cast dark glances to each other before lifting their respective hawthorn with unicorn hair and walnut with dragon heartstring wands. In unison they lifted their voices and uttered the curse, "CRUCIO."

**Author's note: Please read and review. Tell me what you think and if you want me to continue the story.**


	4. Knights With the Ministry

**WARNING: This story contains _swearing,__child abuse, self-injury and homosexuality_ if for whatever reasons you object to this content. Please don't read it.**

"The problem is this blasted heat," James concluded as he laid his head on the wooden desk at which he sat in his room. The problem he was encountering was a distinct inability to fit his thoughts onto paper as he sat trying to write a letter to Remus. He had just finished writing one to Lily and had absolutely no problem with it, considering he had an extensive list of pick-up lines and wonderfully romantic quotes memorized for the sole purpose of winning the heart of one Lily Evans. However, he didn't know what to say to Remus, he wanted to give him good news concerning their mutual friend and confidant.

"I wonder what Sirius is doing," James commented aloud. He had approached his parents with Remus about Sirius' situation, but the Blacks were an important old family and hearsay from two students was hardly enough reason to take a child away from a family which was more than capable of _financially_ taking care of him. However, officials from the Ministry's branch of Childrens' Interest Services had agreed to visit the Black home to interview Sirius, after James' father had pulled every string he had and had called in a few favors. James silently hoped that they would get back to his parents soon so that Remus and he could devise some sort of plan.

Later at the Black Residence.

Sirius wasn't sure why, but everything was hilarious. His parents, his brother, his home…. "Gods, why didn't I see it all before? It's a joke! My whole life is one massive joke. Ha ha ha…" his laugh was a crazed one – the one reserved for when he told how his parents had made a cake with his name on it for his 7th birthday party, but he had gone hungry that night, the laugh he used when James explained that he **really** was the only one of the Marauders who had ever been struck by his parents, the laugh that he needed when sanity left him, but he needed to appear as normal as he could. His muttering and shrill laughter was interrupted by the mouthful of blood which he coughed all over his hands. For some reason, Sirius laughed harder – like always his parents were the ones who had caused all the suffering, but he was the one with blood drenched hands. He lurched forward as the world swayed and almost hit his head on a dresser as he watched the world spin around. Nothing made sense and yet….everything did. The world was painful – every part of his body tormented and he wanted to pass out from the pain and yet….he wanted more. The world came at him in bursts as his head pounded and he feebly lifted a hand, only to slam it down on shards of glass from an antique vase that Reg had broken in his haste to get away from the torture his parents had unleashed upon his brother. He leaned down onto the glass, using that one arm to hold up his damaged body, smiled and quoted, "I hardly know, sir. I've changed so much since this morning, you see" he muttered in answer to the questions only he could hear.

"Well, when will he be back?" a man's voice demanded from below where Sirius stood trying to make the world hold still long enough to remember what he had done to deserve **it** this time. Walburga and Orion Black stood in the front hall of their lavish home directing looks meant to kill at the two men who stood just outside their door. "Just let them inside, Walburga. I'm sure all of Grimmauld will know about this little visit by the end of the evening if we just let them stand there and that'll make fun talk for the Malfoy's dinner party," Orion growled in a low voice, clearly ignoring the serious faced wizards who waited with wands at the ready with CIS identification clearly displayed upon their robes. The older one who looked to be about fifty stood with the strength of one who has trained as a soldier, but somehow the younger managed to look even more intimidating. He stood with broad shoulders and his very person seemed to scream, "Gryffindor" and the same air of gallantry as the knights of old. The Blacks hated him on sight.

"I think it'd be a fine idea for us to come in and take a look around, don't you, Shacklebolt?" the older gentleman asked, despite already knowing the answer.

"I think it would wonderfully gracious of our host to allow inside for a tour, after all we are with the ministry," the one called Shacklebolt replied in a deep voice that anyone besides the Blacks would have found soothing – they sensed kindness - weakness and mentally noted it so that if the need arouse they could properly exploit it.

"There's no need for a tour. Why don't you just tell us why you need to talk to our son? I assure you that whatever he's done we can discuss right here in the front parlor." Walburga stated quickly in a serious tone of voice as she led the two unwelcome guests into the front parlor where the Black family tree and numerous portraits of upper class long dead hung.

"Ma'am, I'm afraid that you've misunderstood. We're with Childrens' Interest Services. We are not here because of anything that your son is accused of – we're simply here to make sure his best interests are being properly taken care of." Shacklebolt stated as he sat down, but still managed to seem to loom over everyone.

"Oh? Well, I can assure you that we have more than enough to properly care for the child. He has had the best tutors, finest of all possible essentials and is attending Hogwarts to fulfill the educational needs necessary to a wizard of his age. I'm sure he has more than ample care." Orion commented in his most charming voice – one of which any "honest" politician would have been proud.

"Can you tell us what exactly you suppose he needs that we would have been unable to provide? As you can see, we have everything a youngster could want for," Mrs. Black added in a voice that she intended to be motherly, but only succeeded in sending chills down the back of both of her guests as she motioned to the room around her.

Shacklebolt looked around at the room he was occupying. It was spotless, it was lavish, it was elegant to a flaw – to many it would be the perfect house, but to any sane individual it would be obvious that it was not a home. This was his first out-of-office assignment since he had joined the Ministry after graduating from Hogwarts and he focused on his training in order to fight off the urge to volunteer the information. He knew exactly what the proud _lady_ in front of him had been _unable_ to provide- love.

Sirius heard voices downstairs and he knew he had to get to them. Either they would see that he had a _problem_ (an understatement that sent Sirius into another fit of unstable laughter) or his parents would _kill_ him for the worst crime of all – daring to risk someone finding out that the image of a perfect family that they shined and hung before all the world was only a broken graven imitation. All he knew was that either way he would be…. Free.

The older gentleman stood with a start causing his partner to almost fall out of his own chair in surprise and ask, "Wiggleworth, is something wrong?"

"I heard something upstairs," the former soldier said as he rushed to the bottom of the stairs.

At the top of the stairs, Sirius dragged his feet as he did his best to shuffle down. He tried to think what he was going to tell the wizards who waited at the bottom with their mouths agape in shock as his parents glared at him with pure hate shining in their eyes.

Shacklebolt rushed up the stairs to meet the bloodied child, shouting to his partner, "Get St. Mungo's NOW!" With eyes full of concern, he draped his cloak around the broken youngster's shoulders and picked him up gently with his surprising strength and carried him the rest of the way down the stairs. He set him down gently and kept his arm around his shoulders. He looked down into the glazed over eyes which stared up at him as if looking right through him. He lowered himself to one knee so that he could whisper more easily to the boy who seemed to be caving in on himself.

"Can you tell me what happened? What did they do to you?" the young Ministry agent questioned in his gentlest voice – afraid to know the answer, but desperate to help the child.

The boy hung his head and mumbled something unintelligible. Agent Shacklebolt leaned forward to catch it.

"…tear-stained eyes…. She said we'd met again….Out of my depth…out of my mind….some sunny day…clawing the thin ice…prop up my mortal remains…nowhere to fly to… still nobody home… I-I…show you where it hurts," Sirius tried to explain his shattered world to the only kindness he had known in what could only have been an eternity. He was going to cry, but he couldn't. Only infants cried, Sirius was going to be strong….he was going to be a wall. So, he made up his mind that he was going to stop himself from crying.

Kingsley watched in horror as the eyes of the boy before him began to water, but before he could stop him the young Black lifted a bloodied hand to his face and wiped the tears away and bite into his front lip causing blood to fall to the ground. "No….! Sirius…. It's going to be okay… I'll protect you…." The agent whispered urgently. Kingsley swore to himself that he was going to stay with this case, no matter what. He had to help this defenseless one.

Later at St. Mungos

Kingsley sat with his partner Wiggleworth outside of the hospital room at St. Mungos where the eldest Black son was being treated for numerous lacerations, shock, malnutrition and what the Healers had referred to as, "emotional distress." Kingsley was full of righteous indignation that he could hardly keep below the surface. He would see Orion and Walburga Black rot in Azkaban for their cruelty if there was any justice in the world, but then he considered the connections that they had with what he considered the corrupted forces of the political elite and knew that it wouldn't happen. He pushed himself angrily from his seat raging with adrenaline and anxiety over the possible outcome of this case. "When do CIS agents stop feeling like this? When do we grow calluses over our feelings so our hearts don't break every God damn day?" he demanded of his partner.

With a serious expression, Wiggleworth leaned forward and answered in a tone that brooked no questions, "The good ones never do. We go out, get our hearts broken over and over and every child we can't save gives us a greater drive to save the next one. Whatever they told you in training, about being stoic – about not taking your work home with you – forget it. If you want this job, it's going to be your **life** for as long as you have it. The only thing that changes is you become stronger – growing a new heart almost daily requires being damn near immortal."

Kingsley shook his head in frustration. This was going to be impossible. He turned his head around in anticipation when he heard footsteps coming down the hall. The Potters had finally arrived.

"How is he? Is there any news?" Mr. Potter inquired as he came rushing down the hall as quickly as a man of his age could. His gray hair was all askew and his hazel eyes were flooded with concern.

"Terrible, but he'll live," Kingsley answered honestly. "I've seen men who've spent almost their entire lives in Azkaban in better shape. There was blood everywhere, he was incoherent and he hadn't eaten in weeks. I can't believe that was allowed to go on for as long as it was."

Mr. Potter drew in a sharp breath and replied, "It won't be allowed to go on any longer. That boy is going to come live with me. I don't care if I have to bribe every CIS official in office. Those _people_ will _never_ be allowed to step foot near him again."

Kingsley and Wiggleworth exchanged glances, "I don't think that will be necessary. We're completely dedicated to ensuring that he gets all the help he could possibly need. Speaking of which, where are the boys who started the investigation process? We'll need to take statements from them in order to give to the Healers from Thickey ward, " Wiggleworth explained.

Potter grew increasingly worried, he paled and seemed to pause a moment in surprise. "The Thickey ward? B-but that's for permanent injuries? Surely, it wasn't…. it couldn't have been…." He tried to ask.

Behind him led by Mrs. Potter and Mr. Lupin, a tousled haired youth with thick glasses and a desperately pale boy with a vase full of flowers like those sold in a hospital gift shop followed shuffling their feet, as if they feared that they might be sick.

The group reached Mr. Potter and the CIS agents after a moment or two of melancholy silence. Kingsley cleared his throat and addressed the boys, "I assume that you two are Sirius' friends – James Potter and Remus Lupin, correct?" The boys nodded silently and tried to peer into the hospital room that was blocked by Shacklebolt's rather considerable girth. "I'm going to need you to tell me _everything_ that you know about Sirius' home life. It's very important that you be completely honest, can you do that for Sirius?"

Without a second thought, James and Remus nodded. They would do anything to protect him.

"In that case, I'm Agent Wiggleworth of Childrens' Interests Services, James. You'll be coming with me to an office that the hospital keeps for circumstances such as these and Remus, you'll be going with Agent Shacklebolt" the friendly gentleman explained with a nod towards his partner. Kingsley waved a little in an attempt to appear friendly. "Try not to worry about Sirius right now. He's in the hands of some very skilled Healers and your parents will be right here waiting I'm sure. Now, let's get started. Follow us right this way."

James and Remus followed the agents nervously as Mr. Potter peered into the room where a witch leaned over a well bandaged figure that rested in the bed. The eldest Potter closed his eyes and sighed aloud as he hoped with all his might that no permanent damage had been done to the young man his son loved like a brother.

**Author's Note: Please review! Comment, add to whatever so I know you enjoy it. I'm sorry it took sooooooo long for me to post this, but I'm going to finish this story in a timely manner from now on. So, comment please, if you have questions or suggestions feel free to send them to me and I _will_ reply. (P.S. Sirius' quotes were taken from _Alice in Wonderland _by Lewis Carroll and Pink Floyd's album, _The Wall_, which I distorted to create the desired effect.)**


	5. Well Enough Alone

**Warning: This story contains mention of child-abuse, alcohol, sexual material, smoking, language, homosexuality and other themes that may be considered offensive. (If you are not mature enough to read it, please do not.)**

Agent Shacklebolt sat outside the door where his latest case was supposed to be resting, considering his recent choices and wondering exactly how badly it was going to go over when his partner discovered that he had allowed three other young men to visit the invalid. He had hoped that by allowing the Black lad some visitors that his mood would brighten. He was obviously uncomfortable with being looked after by the hospital staff and had become more than a little agitated when the Counselors from Thickey Ward had tried to evaluate him. Shacklebolt had hoped that he would be cooperative, but he had shut down and refused to talk as soon as he heard the words, "long-term counseling."

Turning his thoughts back to the present, Kingsley considered the crowd currently entertaining the disturbed young man. They had all appeared innocent enough when they asked for permission to visit their friend, but once they received it, they behaved as though they had undergone a complete transformation into some strange hoodlums. In addition, Shacklebolt was forced to consider the very real possibility that they had dragged enough jokes and tricks into the room to fill an aisle at Zonko's. This suspicion was confirmed when he fell from his chair and covered his ears in alarm at a rather loud buzzing sound that seemed to be emitting from the resting room where the youths had gathered.

Sirius was lying in bed under the covers, well bandaged with dark circles under his eyes, but smiling. The other three Marauders were at the end of his bed throwing candies into each other's open mouths causing one another to explode into a variety of strange sounds, surely meant to amuse their ill friend who doubled over in laughter as the chubby one of the group began twittering like a rat.

"That's just like you, Wormtail," he commented. The other boy looked offended for a moment, but was reassured by a smile from the messy haired youth who was attempting to do an impromptu walk on his hands for the amusement of his best friend.

Agent Shacklebolt's surveying of the group known as the Marauders was interrupted by the arrival of an older gentleman who greatly resembled the young gentleman who had abandoned his hand walk and settled for juggling dung bombs. On his arm was a fairly heavyset woman in a mind-numbingly bright yellow dress who appeared to have a slight mustache under her rather _distinct_ nose. When she opened her mouth to speak, Kingsley congratulated himself on resisting the urge to place his hands over his ears; he had not had the misfortune of hearing something quite so dreadful since he had encountered mandrakes in Herbology.

"My little man, Peteykins! We need to get going, you can't be bothering young Mr. Black all day and you promised to help me curl my hair this afternoon!" the woman fairly shouted in a deep alto voice that she seemed to purposefully distort to an unnatural shrill. This announcement had the effect of causing said young Mr. Black to almost fall out of his bed laughing. Once again, the Pettigrew boy cast him an enraged look, but this time not even a smile from his favorite hero seemed to calm him.

"Have fun, fellows. I seem to have plans for today," the irritated lad pouted as he joined his mother outside the door. With a wave, he began following the woman down the hallway and Shacklebolt was more than slightly disturbed by the similarity in their waddles.

"No hard feelings, Wormtail?" Sirius called as he attempted to catch his breath, but the other boy ignored his attempt at reconciliation.

"James, Remus, I think you should go sit in the waiting room," the eldest Potter informed his son as he noted the flushed expression on the checks of the boy who lay on the bed coughing.

The two boys exchanged glances and turning to the older man began imploring, "Please, Mr. Potter we'll…." "We'll behave, Dad." "Like perfect gentlemen." "We'll just wait in here as he sleeps." "Keep an eye on him." "Make sure he doesn't try to sneak out." "AGAIN!" The two spoke in turns, but ended in unison as they directed a scolding glare at their friend who ignored the look as he hummed quietly and attempted to look interested in a particular leaf of a bouquet.

Mr. Potter well remembered the _five_ occasions that the restless patient had attempted to leave the grounds of St. Mungos in the _two_ days that he had been a patient. Twice he had been stopped by Agent Shacklebolt, twice by James and Remus and once by Mrs. Potter who had found him attempting to "score" "fags" off one of the nurses. "Make sure he doesn't leave the bed, make sure he obeys the nurses if they come in and for the sake of Godric Gryffindor – do _not_ let him smoke!

The boys nodded and James reassured, "Sure thing, Dad, we'll make sure he behaves."

As he walked away with Agent Shacklebolt, Mr. Potter shook his head and commented, "I never would have thought that I'd see the day when my son was going to police someone's good behaviour."

Shacklebolt smiled as he replied, "If I hadn't spent the last few hours listening to those four _Marauders_ making jokes about the Hogwarts staff, I wouldn't have believed that any of them were capable of misbehaving. Remus is much too polite and reserved and Peter looks as though he would faint at the sight of a mouse."

"And the other two?" Potter asked curiously, as they turned a corner.

"Well, James has high respect in my book for seeing that something was done to help his partner-in-crime, but I suppose that being a good friend does not exempt one from being a good deal of trouble. And Sirius, well, quite frankly… after the number those _monsters_ did on him, I'm surprised he has the energy to sit up, much less compose a _very_ convincing paper titled _Why You Three Should Bring Me Some Firewhiskey and Adult Mags_."

The gray-haired man coughed loudly at this last sentence and with wide eyes asked, "D-did he? Did they? That boy…."

Kingsley chuckled, "As I said, it was very convincing. It's a good thing that James and Remus aren't so very impressionable or his plot would have succeeded, but I believe I overheard Pettigrew shouting something like, 'Give him skin mags or give me death' before the other two silenced him."

The Agent and the Auror sat down in a small office on hard-backed wooden doors, made sure the door was closed and settled down to business.

"_They_. Are. _Never. _Getting. Him. Back," the elder man growled in a tone of authority that might have convinced a dragon to change its course of action- out of pure fear – he had perfected the statement with repeated practice on anyone who brought up the subject in the past two days.

"Mr. Potter, you have made your wishes _very_ clear. However, as my partner and I have assured you – we are on your side of this argument and you may feel free to stop glaring daggers in my general direction when the subject of the lad's custody is brought up… any time now."

Mr. Potter attempted to calm himself down. His breath was uneven and he could feel his heart racing – he remembered all too well his own upbringing and he would be _damned_ if he was going to allow Sirius to go anywhere but to the Potter's place of residence in Godric's Hollow once he was discharged. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be anything less than cordial to you or Agent Wiggleworth, and you have been nothing less than helpful during this entire process. Now tell me, exactly what is CIS currently planning on having done with this case.

Shacklebolt let out a sigh of relief that the cantankerous man had finally calmed down, but this reprieve was short-lived as Potter threatened, "_And_ it better be what I want to hear because I _will_ kidnap the boy. Do not think I won't. The whole family could move to France, I hear it's lovely this time of year or maybe the Bahamas."

"Mr. Potter! If you will but pause for a moment and listen to what I have to say," noting that the man sitting opposite him had finally closed his mouth, the CIS agent continued. "Agent Wiggleworth and I reported our considerable findings, the testimony of the two lads and all other evidence to our department and they have agreed that under normal circumstances a damning case could be made against the perpetrators of such horrendous acts, but these are not _normal_ circumstances. Mr. and Mrs. Black are a very powerful couple within the wizarding community and I am afraid that they are utilizing their rather considerable influence with the Ministry in an attempt to avoid charges." As the Auror's face darkened Shacklebolt hurried to finish, "But! We have managed to make a rather _unusual_ arrangement with them, as distasteful as it was negotiating with their….kind."

"And what the devil kind of arrangement would that have been?" Potter demanded.

"They agree to quietly go along with Sirius' legal emancipation and CIS agrees not to make a scene," Shacklebolt explained in a defeated voice.

"Well, that's just dandy – we'll just go along with whatever those child abusers want! There's a plan – they can just walk away scot free! I mean, what did they do, except try to kill everything good in that boy? Sounds like a slap on the wrist would be too much! Let 'em walk, I say!" Sirius' self-appointed guardian sarcastically shouted directly at the man who sat across from him giving him an even stare.

"Do you have a better idea? Because I am fully behind the idea of removing _that_ child from _that_ environment as soon as soon as possible by _any_ means necessary, including kissing ass for those bastards," the dedicated CIS agent replied as he stared unflinchingly into the other man's furious hazel eyes.

"Fine. We'll do it your way – _for now_!" the hazel-eyed man conceded as he stood angrily from his chair.

"First things first, we need to inform Sirius of the current circumstances. Second, we need to take a statement from him to present to the judge and thirdly, make sure all the paperwork is signed for his emancipation to be finalized," Agent Shacklebolt listed.

The two men arrived back at overly white room where the patient lay with arms wrapped around his amber-eyed friend who was lying beside him, carefully avoiding placing too much pressure on his friend's weakened body. They searched the room for James who was nowhere to be seen.

Remus fell off the bed with a thud as he looked nervously at the two older men who were exchanging surprised glances with the two boys who were doing a poor job of acting as though they had no idea what was out-of-the-ordinary about two male friends snuggling on a bed.

Sirius was the first to give up the charade. Shrugging his shoulders and perfecting his most, "Devil-may-care-I-sure-as-hell-don't" look, he informed the two unexpected guests, "Moony and I are dating and if anyone has a problem with us being a couple of poufs…. Well, they can just sod off!"

Clearing his throat and straightening his tie, Mr. Potter said they only thing he could think of, "In that case, you two are _not_ allowed on the bed alone, unless an adult is present. It's highly inappropriate."

Sirius' eyes widened in relief and his voice broke as he asked, "Y-you mean you don't have a problem with…."

"No, I do not have a problem with either of you young men being homosexual, bisexual, try-sexual or whatever –they-call-it-now-sexual. I _do_ have a problem with you allowing yourselves to be in such a compromising position. Now! That is not the point which we came to discuss," Mr. Potter explained in what he felt was the most awkward exchange he had had since he had been forced to engage in since he had given James "the talk."

"You want to talk to me about my parents." Sirius guessed in a hollow voice. Turning his head towards Lupin, he whispered, "Hey, Moony, go keep James company. I've got to talk to these gents about some….stuff."

Remus folded his arms and sat down in a chair beside the front of Sirius' bed, "It's okay, Padfoot, I already know everything…." he began to explain in a kind quiet voice.

However, Sirius interrupted him with a shake of his head, "No, you don't, Moony,"

Remus placed his hand gently on Sirius' bruised one and whispered, "Yeah, I know everything. James explained it all to me."

It seemed to be James' unlucky day because it was at that moment that he walked in and Sirius demanded in a barely controlled voice, "Prongs! Did you tell Moony something about _me_ and _my_ life that _I_ didn't?"

James examined his feet for a moment, which was all the time that Sirius needed to surmise from his friends' body language that Prongs had indeed told Moony things that Padfoot never would have.

With a hateful glare towards his best friend, Black hissed, "Get. Out."

"Sirius, it was for the best! You know I'd never…." Potter tried to explain, but he judged from the way Sirius merely tilted his head toward him with an angry smirk and stuck his middle finger in the air that he could not have been in less of a mood to listen.

James shrugged tiredly and walked out the door. Knowing how much Prongs valued the friendship of the one he considered a brother, Moony knew he would be very upset and would need a shoulder and so he too walked out the door.

Thinking it best to leave the conversation that had just occurred to the boys themselves, Agent Shacklebolt began with the topic at hand, "Sirius, we need to talk about your home life with you and take a statement."

"I don't wanna talk about it," Sirius mumbled as he stared intently at the wall.

"Sirius, we need to present a judge with a statement from you about the mistreatment you were forced to endure. It's okay for you to tell us anything," James' father explained in a kind voice.

"What mistreatment?" the youngster asked in an earnest voice.

"Sirius…." the CIS agent began in his most well trained counseling voice.

"I deserved it and that's _all_ there is to it," Sirius sighed. "Just leave well enough alone."

**Authors' Note:** **I appreciate reviews. I appreciate criticism. I appreciate being added to whatever so I know you like it. I appreciate messages sent to my PM about any questions or comments you want answered. I **_**will**_** reply. Thank you for your time- I hope you're enjoying this story. (P.S. This chapter is dedicated to my beta who stayed up so late getting me my edits. Much love to MidnightThoughts.)**


	6. Sad Conclusion

**Warning: This story contains domestic violence, homosexuality and other adult themes. Also, I don't own these characters.**

Sirius sat on the edge of the antique bed that had been prepared for him in the guest room of the Potter household one early morning in mid-July. Agent Shacklebolt's arrangement with Walburga and Orion Black had been successful. Sirius was officially an emancipated wizard, but had not needed much persuasion from Mr. Potter to convince him that it would be best if he did not live on his own.

"_I probably woulda done just fine on my own_," he thought to himself.

"_It's just… I couldn't let Mr. Potter down. Imagine! He's willing to take in the son of a couple of raging lunatics who wouldn't give his family the time of day… And not just that…. Hell, him and Mrs. Potter have been better parents to me in these past weeks than _my_ parents ever thought about being_," he considered while swinging his legs back and forth. He knew that James and Remus would be up already, raiding Mrs. Potter's pantry, but he needed some time to himself – some time away from all the caring, and the well-meant questions and above all, he needed a break from the pity.

"_They just don't get it! All they see is the horrid shit. It wasn't like that all the time! Sometimes, they only screamed…. Sometimes, they didn't scream at all…sometimes, they whispered_,"Sirius rationalized, but a tiny nagging voice in the back of his head told him that those were the worst times- when low mocking voices dissected everything about him with deadly accuracy thereby ripping off his mask and leaving him exposed to his most dangerous enemies. He remembered something Agent Shacklebolt had said about abuse not only being physical – that it could be emotional or verbal.

"That's bloody ridiculous! They're _just_ words!" Sirius hissed aloud as he argued with himself.

"_They're just words. A person ought to be able to handle a couple of insults thrown at them. Prongs and Moony just don't understand. They grew up in the land of roses and unicorns where everything's all perfect all the time. Well…. Maybe not Moony because of his furry little problem, but his parents are perfect. They're great and all, but c'mon! Not everyone's that sheltered. I'm sure plenty of other kids at school have been yelled at by their parents. Maybe worse… I'm not that different. And Agent Shacklebolt – he's supposed to help little kids. I'm grown. I've learned how to handle my parent's shit…I learned how to play their game_," the gray-eyed youth concluded as he punched his pillow in an attempt to dislodge the frustration which had taken residence in his chest and was weighing him down- threatening to suffocate him.

He thought about joining his friend and his boyfriend for breakfast, but instead he shook his head, sat back on the bed with a sigh and buried his head in his hands. James and he had settled a truce. James told Sirius to pull his head out of his arse and demanded to know if Sirius would have done whatever was necessary to help him if he was in trouble. Sirius, of course, had nodded his assent, told James he saw his point and made it very clear to him that from then on if he wanted his boyfriend to know something about him – he bloody well would be the one to tell him! But he had forgiven his friend.

"_They just don't get it. I wish they would stop thinking about it. I'm _not _Messr. Black-the- abused-boy-from-a-shitty-house-who-everybody-ought-to-feel-sorry-for! I'm Messr. Padfoot-the-brilliant-sexy-loyal-hilarious-slightly-crazy-illegal animagus. And they can stop feeling sorry for me! They didn't feel sorry for me when we jinxed Snape before break or raided the kitchens or slept through McGooogle's class together and nothing's changed,"_ he fumed.

"_Except…except it has…. No matter what Shacklebolt, the Potters or Moony says… I deserved that last bit… Merlin…. I deserved worse…not that I'd go back for it…but… Wish I had someone that I could talk to… Not Moony…. Moony and I…. we…. I've got to fix it_," Sirius thought as guilt swelled up within him, filling his throat and making it hard to breathe.

It was that moment that Remus J. Lupin and James Potter decided to come running into the room- nearly knocking Sirius off the bed as they leapt onto it and began jumping about.

"What'cha doin', Padfoot?" Moony asked as he jumped from one foot to another.

"We're goin' down to the creek," Prongs announced with excitement. "There's an old tire swing out there and sometimes the local girls hang out there and I'm sure we'd have no problem in convincing a few of them to come back here for a party, Pads," he informed his best conspirator with a wink.

This bit of information caused Moony to stop mid-jump, turn to face James and level his best glare in the other boy's direction. "Considering the fact that his _boyfriend_ is standing right beside him, please tell what exactly my Padfoot would need a local girl for?" he demanded.

Without needing to even look at the other, Sirius and James answered in unison. "A three-some," they stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Lifting his eyebrows, Remus replied in a cool voice, "James, I'll tell your mother. Sirius, you may go right ahead if you desire…" he paused for effect. "To. Never. In. A. Million. Years. Get. In. My. Pants," he threatened in his most serious voice.

James, having decided to rescue his friend replied with a wink, "I was just fooling, Moony. I intend to exploit Messr. Padfoot's great charm and way with the ladies and then deliver him safely back to you, but only after I have a gorgeous bird on each arm and maybe a third just in case."

"Exploit away, my friend! As long as I may return to this residence without some noisy woman convinced that I am her one-and-only. You remember what happened last time…" Sirius agreed loyally.

James remembered all too well. They had tried this bait-and-switch before when he had needed some female companionship because Miss Lily Evans continued to stubbornly refuse his advances. However, recently Padfoot had claimed to be horribly scarred by his duties as a wingman because a blonde witch who had entirely too much firewhiskey in her had declared that Sirius was the only wizard for her, wrapped her arms around his legs and drunkenly claimed to the Gryffindor common room that she was pregnant with his child. Sirius, who had been drinking himself, had become quite worried and had to be reassured by James that he, "…was not going to be a-stay-at-home father and was not pregnant, either." Remus, irritated with Sirius' drinking had put the notion into his head that drinking would, "…be just terrible for the baby," which fortunately had immediate effect of convincing Padfoot to stop drinking. Unfortunately, it had also resulted in James having to spend a good hour convincing the extremely impressionable drunk that he didn't need to contact Pomfrey for an ultrasound.

Upon Remus' urging, the boys then headed downstairs for breakfast. It would have seemed that it the day was shaping up to be full of trouble- the perfect sort of day for the Marauders. However, Sirius remained unable to shake the troublesome voices in his head that kept going over the same questions, rationalizations and accusations – all leading him to the same sad conclusion.

That Evening at the Potter Residence

"Prongs, you're completely daft!" Remus repeated incredulously for what might have been the tenth time in the last thirty minutes.

"Would you stop saying that? It was an honest mistake. A very reputable source said that humorous pick-up lines were the perfect way to catch the attention of young witches," James pouted looking toward Sirius for support.

"Prongs, I think that Moony has a point. _Kilroy Montmorency's Guide to Being Irresistible _is hardly a reputable source," Sirius pointed as he attempted to appear interested.

James folded his arms across his chest with a, "Harrumph!" "That doesn't mean she had to pour her drink on my head," the first time he had made that complaint about someone other than Miss. Lily Evans.

"James Potter, you suggested that she would have to change her name to Moaning Myrtle if she were to spend some time alone with you! I can see why she'd be a little irritated," Remus practically shouted as he smacked his forehead in frustration.

"I knew that was a mistake! I should have gone with the one that goes, 'I've been whomping my willow just thinking about you,'" he replied, berating himself for the mistake.

"Prongs, I don't think that's…" Remus tried to explain, but was interrupted.

"I must have had some Felix Felicis because I'm about to get lucky?" he asked.

Moony opened his mouth to discourage him, but James felt he was on a roll.

"You know Platform 9 ¾ , well I've got something…." the would-be pick up artist tried again.

"James! Stop while you're ahead," Lupin commanded loudly as he placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Maybe you should try a different book," he suggested and looked to his boyfriend for support.

However, Sirius wasn't paying attention. He was too busy examining the ceiling and fidgeting with the bottle he was holding.

"Pads… Padfoot…. Sirius… Sirius Black…. Sirius Orion Black…. You!" Moony called trying unsuccessfully to get his attention.

James, felt it was his turn to try, "I found McGoogle in an old copy of Busty & Bewitching," he claimed, somehow managing to keep a straight face. Upon seeing that this comment had no effect, the two boys looked at each other and then at their friend.

"Pads, are you alright?" Remus asked in concern, stepping closer to his boyfriend.

"Yeah… Just…. Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?" Sirius asked emotionlessly.

"Sure thing…. Why don't we go up to your room?" was the uneasy reply.

Without looking at either of his fellow Marauders, Black headed to the stairs and marched up solemnly.

The other two exchanged meaningful glances – their friend had been extremely moody towards them and more flirtatious than usual toward the neighboring witches that James had dumped on him while attempting to score with their friends. However, they had ignored it and just assumed that he was still sore at them for having told Shacklebolt. Remus shrugged and followed Padfoot.

When Moony reached Sirius' room, he was anxiously pacing back and forth. Without stopping or even looking up from the floor, he announced, "I don't this is working out."

Confused, Remus asked, "_What_ don't you think is working out?"

"Us," the gray-eyed youth stated calmly, as he finally stood still.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" the other practically shouted- demanding an answer.

"Look, it was fun and all. I just don't think it's going to work out in the long run. We're just not compatible," Sirius continued.

"Won't work out in the long run? Bloody hell, Pads. We're _crazy_ about each other- tell me what this is really about!" Remus growled – concern and anger battling in his voice as his amber eyes lit with passion.

"Moony, we're too different. You're quiet, shy and a bit of a coward, to be frank," came the reply with a shrug and an air of indifference.

"I'm a coward?" Lupin asked almost laughing at how ridiculous the notion sounded. You're full of shit sometimes, Black. Tell me what this is really about. Now," he demanded as his patience grew thin.

"Fine. I don't know what I was thinking dating you in the first place. I'm not gay. I'm not bi. I like birds. I guess I just did it because it was easy since we spend so much time together. Maybe I was just rebelling. It doesn't matter –it wasn't important," Sirius said in a bored voice, examining the back of his fingernails.

"You're not bi? It wasn't important? Fuck it. Where was that line of thinking when you crawled into bed with me because you wanted someone to hold you? Where was that thinking when you dragged me out in the rain so we could kiss? Where was that _shit_ when you talked about having a _family?_ Well, Black?" Remus' head was whirling as he stared at the man he loved wondering if they had been living two completely different realities.

"Look, Lupin. I'm not a _fag._ I just went along with it because I felt sorry for you. Maybe you should find some other guy to fuck you 'cause I'm not _that_ desperate to be friends," Sirius answered in a mocking tone.

Remus was well acquainted with pity. He had felt it forced upon him by his parents, his older sister, Dumbledore, hospital staff and so many Healers. He'd had enough of it. And the thought that the most important relationship of his life was based on pity? Well, that was more than he could bear. He saw red and his fist went sailing. It connected with Sirius' nose with a loud, "Crunch!"

Lupin stepped back. As he looked at the blood on his hand, he felt a twinge of guilt. Shaking his head, he whispered sadly, "You know where to find me when you're ready to tell me what the point of all these _lies_," and walked away.

As he sat down on the bed, Sirius whispered to himself, "Mission accomplished,"

**Author's Note: At night, I lay in bed and dream of a world in which I get five reviews for a chapter. You, dear reader, have the ability to make my day by leaving a review. Please and thank you, so very much! **


	7. Excuses, Excuses, Truth?

**Warning: This story contains homosexuality, alcohol, abuse, language and other adult themes. If you are not mature enough to read it, please do not.**

Peter could plainly see that Prongs was upset. Considering the fact that Peter's powers of observation were less than impressive, a normal person would have thought James an emotional time bomb.

"Don't give me that shit!" James hissed to Sirius as he paced the floor in front of his friend. "You've gone stark raving mad, haven't you?"

Sirius stared coldly up at his friend who was pacing at the end of his bed. He stretched his arms out and placed behind his back as he lay casually back on the bed. "Prongs, trust me, it's not that big of a deal."

"You broke up with Moony! Did you even think about what you were doing to the Marauders? To him? To _you?_"

Sirius sighed heavily and shook his head condescendingly. "Look, he'll get over and find somebody else and then everything will go back to normal. It was a phase – it had to end sometime."

James snorted derisively. "And my fascination with Lily is just a passing phase. She's not that great. Gee, by this time next week, I'll probably have forgotten all about her" he replied, allowing sarcasm to drip from his words.

"That's great to hear! Maybe now you'll find a bird who knows how to have a good time," Black replied pretending not to notice the intended meaning of his friend's words.

Peter was not pretending when he exclaimed, "That's great! Personally, I always thought she was too thin, anyway. You need a girl with some meat on her bones. We can look together!" he finished with a smile.

James hung his head, slightly embarrassed and replied, "Peter, I was being sarcastic. I have no desire to give up on Lily. I'm crazy about Lily. Just like Padfoot is crazy about Moony." The tousle-haired boy then stared pointedly at his friend and crossed his arms.

Sirius sighed and whispered fiercely as he leaned forward towards James, "Look, he's alright for a pal, but he was starting to get on my nerves. I'm sick of dealing with all his pansy bullshit. Besides, eventually I'm going to want to be physical with somebody and he's sure as heck not the one I intended to get my kicks from – if you get my drift."

"Pansy bullshit? Moony is the bravest person we have ever met and you know it. None of us could deal with what he goes through every month, not to mention the way other people react to it. And you want in his pants just as bad as I want in Lily's. Don't even try to sell me that." James rolled his eyes at what he perceived as a pathetic attempt to cover the heart of the matter.

"Listen James, I don't want to make this a big deal. So, I'm only going to say this once and I want you to pay some goddamn attention. I am not gay. I just did it so I could piss off my parents. Well, they're good and pissed and I never have to see them again. So, I don't need to keep pretending. Maybe, I was a bit harsh on him, but I figured it was less cruel in the long run to make sure he wasn't holding out hope on a dream that's never coming true. I used him. He couldn't see it. Whatever. I regret that he got so sold on it, but all is fair in love and war, as they say" Sirius hissed as he pulled out a smoke and light it.

James pressed his palm against his forehead in frustration. "Sirius Orion Black, if you were just playing your parents, you would have just written them a letter. You wouldn't have dated him for years. You wouldn't have bought him Valentine's Day presents. And I would have been accidentally walked in on a lot less impromptu make out sessions."

Black stood up suddenly and took a heavy drag from his cigarette before answering. "Whatever, James. If your folks ask where I am – tell them I went to bed early."

He was already on his way to the door when James asked, "Where the blazes are you going?"

"Out. For a walk. To the devil. Doesn't matter" was the irritatingly carefree reply.

"So, after Sirius left for a walk to the devil, Peter's mother called and said he had to go home to help clean her collection of porcelain hat wearing gnomes. So, he left and I figured I ought to come up and see how you were holding up" James said, explaining his visit to the home of Dorcas Lupin, Remus Lupin's supposedly eccentric and much older sister. After the break up, Moony had decided that he didn't want to stay at the Potters' any longer, but was unable to return home because his parents had already left for an important conference in Greece. Spending the summer with Dorcas was his only choice.

James looked around the very functional apartment. It was small and sparsely decorated. Considering the fact that Dorcas and her live-in girlfriend Perpetua were fortyish librarians – it wasn't surprising. "So…. Tell me about your sister and her…..partner?" James asked after pausing for a moment to consider what the proper title would be.

Remus snorted. "Dorcas is Dorcas. She complained the other night when I played one of my Sinatra records – apparently anything younger than Gregorian chanting is too new fangled. She's boringly logical ninety percent of the time, but she's great for discussing literary theory. Probably because she spends all of her time in the library, trying to avoid doing any real work. The other night she made this great point about the muggle interpretation of Circe, she said…."

James started laughing. He couldn't help it and like always, Remus glared at him with eyebrows raised back. "I'm sorry, Moony, it's just that I thought the only siblings who were supposed to be exactly alike were twins, not brothers and sisters with forty years between them."

"I'm not just like my sister!" Remus exclaimed, offended.

James pushed his glasses up towards his nose and thoughtfully replied, "Listens to music too old for her. Boringly logical. Knows what literary theory means. Spends all her time in the library. Avoids work. Homosexual. Did I miss anything?"

Remus sighed. "Anyway, Perpetua is slightly better. She's decided that she wants to adopt a kid and I've been helping her try to convince Dorcas. They are my one chance at being an uncle, after all."

"Not your only chance, mate. Think of the Marauders. Any kid of mine would be your honorary nephew. And who knows? Maybe there's a girl for Peter. I'm not sure I want to know what that would look like, but maybe it's possible. And Sirius…" James replied smiling, until he slipped in the end and proceeded to stare awkwardly at the floor.

"And Sirius was my chance at having a family of my own." Remus said, crossing his arms and staring out the window behind James. "Did he explain himself to you?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to know.

"He made some lame excuse about how he wasn't really bi and just wanted to rebel against his parents. Half apologized for being an arse to you by doing that. But, I don't buy it. I don't know… I'm guessing that it's all somehow related to what just happened with his family, but he won't talk about it. So…." James trailed off.

Remus nodded and was about to ask a question when he was interrupted by a woman walking in carrying a tray with an antique tea pot with matching teacups followed by another woman who was carrying a tray of freshly baked gingerbread cookies. The first woman was lanky and had frizzy gray hair, amber eyes and her posture indicated that life had weighed heavily upon her- obviously Remus' older sister. The second woman was a short, plump fading redhead whose happily twinkling brown eyes made her look like Mrs. Claus, in James' humble opinion.

"Would you gentlemen be inclined towards a cup of tea? It is Earl Gray and remains still hot having just been pulled from the top of the stove." Dorcas stated flatly, but smiled at the two for a moment before resuming a stoic expression.

"And I have just baked some gingerbread. Would you dear boys care for some dessert?" Perpetua asked in a happily sing-song voice.

The four settled down for some dessert and after a few minutes of awkward silence, James couldn't stand the quiet any longer. "So…. How exactly far apart in age are you two?" he asked suddenly, in classical James-style.

Remus stared at James hard, trying to telepathically communicate that the question was kind of _rude_, but Dorcas didn't seem to mind.

"We are separated in age by exactly thirty years of life. My mother gave birth to me at the age of seventeen and after several years of using contraceptives to prevent another pregnancy, went off of her medication, mistakenly and foolishly believing that she was too old to remain fertile. She gave birth to Remus John at the age of forty-seven. Understandably, it was quite a shock, considering that she was not aware she was pregnant until she went into labor while in line at a grocery store. My parents were completely unprepared for the great responsibility of taking care of yet another child." Dorcas answered.

James eyes widened a little, "Wow" was all he could think of to say.

Perpetua patted her girlfriend's arm and attempted to whisper in her ear, "Dear, I think you may have offended your brother."

Dorcas turned towards Remus and by way of apology said, "Remus John, I meant no offense. I assumed that you would be aware that the unexpectedness of a gift does not depreciate the value of the gift."

Remus nodded understandingly. "Don't worry, Dor, after thirty years, I've gotten used to how you talk."

Dorcas nodded sharply and turned towards James suddenly. "Do you know where the young man who insulted my brother and abused his trust currently resides? I have it on good authority that as Remus John's sister, I am honor bound to, 'put the fear of god' into the scoundrel."

James inhaled sharply. If Dorcas meant what she said, James was afraid for Padfoot. As he was thinking of an excuse, a knock was heard at the door.

"I'll get it." Remus said as he stood. The other three waited in the dining room until a young man with black hair and grey eyes stumbled into the room where he grabbed the edge of the coffee table and held on for dear life. Remus followed in behind him and leaned on the wall behind his ex and stared at him angrily.

"He's drunk. Again." Remus explained, irritation in his voice.

"I-I'm not drunk. I just had….had….had a bit too much firewhiskey with some birds." He giggled as if he had said something funny. "They wouldn't keep their hands off of me. Like they were trying to frisk me." Sirius slurred as his head swayed from side to side.

James sighed and looked to Remus imploring him with his eyes to help him take care of the inebriated animangus.

"Okay, okay. Let's get him back to your house."

"N-no!" Sirius hissed.

"Why not? Where could you possibly want to go? You can hardly stand." James asked, annoyed.

"I….I don't want your parents to see me like this. They're so nice. They're the greatest. They're the best. They're the bee's knees." Sirius would have continued with the synonyms, except Perpetua cut him off.

"Alright, dear. I'll contact the Potters and tell them that you boys will be spending the night here. _If_ you will sober him up and behave yourselves here on out." She offered.

Remus shrugged and he and James proceeded to walk over to Sirius and half-carried, half-dragged him to the bathroom.

After they left the room, Dorcas glared at her girlfriend pointedly. "Perpetua Grunhilde, as Remus John's sister-in-law, you two are honor-bound to put the fear of god into that scoundrel."

Perpetua patted her arm and whispered soothingly, "Of course, dear."

After a riveting night of making sure Sirius didn't do anything stupid like drown in his own vomit, James had fallen asleep in the bathtub and Remus was leaning half-asleep against the lower half of the sink watching Sirius dry heave.

"So…. Why did you really do it?" He asked, not sure if Sirius would even respond.

Sirius looked up from the toilet. Without saying a word, he took his shirt off. For the first time, Remus saw all the scars that the rebellious youth had received that summer. Some looked like they might have been accidents, but most looked very deliberate, some were given by his parents, some by himself and others…. He could not even remember anymore. Remus stared at the scars in shock for a moment before Sirius broke the silence.

"I…. I slept with someone tonight….more than one… I didn't even know their names… Men…women… I didn't care…," he whispered without looking up from the floor.

"W-what…? Why…?" Remus asked, scarcely able to process what he had just heard.

"You still want me?" Sirius asked with a joyless laugh. "I'm not good enough for you. Why can't you see it?"

**Author's Note: I appreciate reviews. I appreciate being added to favorites, alert and all else. I am so sorry that this took so long to post. Busy with end of the school year and beginning of summer. Well, summer is officially on and I'll be writing more.**


	8. It Was Probably the Booze

**Author's Warning: This story contains romantic love between two gentlemen, sexual themes, language, and mention of alcohol and self-abuse and child abuse. If you are not mature enough to read it, please don't. I do not write to offend. I also do not own these characters, although if I did- illustrated copies of Sirius and Remus and the Ballad of Homosexual love would be abundant.**

Remus had no idea how to even begin to respond. The love of his life had dumped him, told him he had never loved him, gone out, gotten plastered and apparently fucked _everyone_. It was near impossible for him to process a situation as horrendous as that, but there was something more important than that to deal with and as Remus stared at the scars that covered Sirius' arms, he saw red.

"When. The. Fuck. Did. That. Happen." Remus demanded.

"Tonight. I just told you." Sirius said angrily as he moved to sit with his back against the wall. After he had adjusted himself, without even realizing, he began to bang the back of his head against the wall- over and over and over again.

Remus was fit to be tied. He grabbed Sirius by the arm and, using his werewolf strength, jerked the heavily hung-over boy violently up off the ground, as if he were a ragdoll. This shocked Sirius and before he had a moment to put up his wall of nonchalance, he shuddered at the suddenness of the movement. Seeing Sirius' genuine fear motivated Remus to try and conceal his anger.

"What the fuck?" Sirius demanded as he tried to once again put his armor up.

"Pads, I wasn't asking about the….sex." Remus tried to state calmly, but it wasn't calm. His voice was frantic, it was worried and above all it was pissed.

"Then what's the problem?" Sirius asked as he pushed Remus' hand off of his arm.

"The scars… Godric over all, Padfoot…. Did you….?" Remus left the question hanging in the air as he stared at the scars. They were repetitive- long scars in a neat trail up and down his wrists and ankles, as if someone had once been keeping tally marks in blood on the dark-haired youth's body.

Sirius looked into the distance for a minute before replying. "Told you I wasn't good enough for you. I can see it plain as day. Why can't you?"

"Sirius…. When did you? Please tell me you've stopped. Please." As he pleaded to hear what he so desperately hoped, Remus' eyes scanned his love's body for fresh scars.

Sirius knew Remus well enough to know why he was darting his eyes all over his body as he asked. Well, he'd prove it to Remus once and for all that he wasn't worth the time of day. He'd show him how low Sirius Black was. With that thought in his head, Sirius pulled down his left sleeve so that his shoulder was exposed. Into his pale skin, a dozen blood stained lines had been carved. "One for every one I let fuck me tonight, Moony" He stated emotionlessly. "One for every one I showed a good time. One for every one I whored myself out for…"

"Why? Pads…. You could have come here, you knew that, right? You could have called James, or Mr. Potter or even Agent Shacklebolt. Sirius we all care about you…. You don't have to do that. It doesn't' have to be like that."

"Yeah, it does, Remus. Because I deserve it. I hated every minute of what I did tonight, but I deserved it and I deserved the pain and can't you fucking see that? Don't you see how weak I am? Do you know what I let _them_ do? _Do you?_" Sirius shouted- his voice growing louder and louder.

Remus ran his hands threw his light brown hair in exasperation – he had to get through to his fellow marauder, but he had no idea how to go about doing that. His voice was pained as he tried to comfortingly reply, "No, Sirius. You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve _any_ of it. Please, I love you and so do so many others…." But he was suddenly cut off.

Although anyone in their right mind would have heard comfort and gentleness, Sirius who was beyond emotionally compromised only heard pity and proceeded to scream inches from Remus' face. "That is bloody fucking nice! Because I _**HATE**_ myself! Why can't everyone else!"

And that moment, James sat straight up in the bathtub. "What's going on?" He demanded as he glanced quickly around the small room to try and see what all the shouting was about.

Knowing full well that Remus would not hesitate to tell James what was wrong so they could "save" him together, Sirius decided to beat him to the punch. "Congratulate me. I was weak enough to let my parents beat the shit out of me, I let them get away with all of that and I couldn't…." Sirius trailed off and paused for a moment before continuing, "I let a dozen people fuck me tonight- might have been a baker's dozen, I wasn't keeping track…." At that Sirius laughed hollowly. "And Lupin just discovered that I cut and yet he doesn't understand why I hate myself. So, congratulate me, because apparently I am _just_ that lovable." The anger in Sirius' sarcastic words was deafening.

James blinked. "What the hell, Padfoot?" He asked.

"I just told you what the hell is going on, Potter, so I don't see what else I can do for you."

"How long?" James asked in a determined tone of voice.

"How long- what? How long have I been whoring around? How long have I been cutting, or how long have my parents been beating me senseless?"

"Well, since, I know the answer to the last one- I meant the first two, Black."

"Oh. Tonight- that was some damn good firewhisky and since my parents dragged me away from Hogwarts." The dark-haired youth replied as he gestured to his still exposed shoulder where James could see the obvious wounds.

James nodded slowly and closed his eyes for a minute before continuing calmly. "Pads, I'm going to sit with you. Moony is going to go call Shacklebolt. You're going to a CIS care facility _tonight_."

Sirius pulled himself to his full height and glared directly into James' eyes. "Like hell." He then headed for the bathroom door.

James was faster. He was up like a flash and slammed the wooden door shut before the severely hung-over marauder could reach it. "Not kidding, Sirius. You need help. Hell, you need supervision and until you can admit that to yourself- it's up to the people who care about you to make sure it happens.

"Fuck you, Potter." Sirius hissed.

"Look, mate. We can do this the easy way- we both sit down, Moony goes and calls your case worker, and you leave with him and _cooperate_. Or- we can do it the hard way which you seem to prefer, and I can hold you in a headlock while he calls and tells them that they're going to need to use force, Shacklebolt is forced to bring orderlies and you leave here in a white strait jacket.

"You wouldn't dare, Prongs." Sirius replied- his voice almost pleading.

"Padfoot, a few days ago you broke up with the love of your life for no good reason, you got completely piss drunk tonight, slept with almost enough people to start a Quidditch match and apparently cut the shit out of your shoulder. I'm pretty sure this sort of thing was what Shacklebolt was referring to when he said to call him if you became destructive to yourself or others."

"Prongs, don't, okay? I know what I did, but I'll fix it… It won't happen again…." The anger in Sirius' voice had been replaced by fear.

"It shouldn't have happened once. Good Golly Griffyindor, Pads, you'd never let your friends suffer through something like this. Why do you think it's okay when it happens to you?" was the reply.

"Because. I. Deserve. It." Sirius calmly stated- emphasizing every word so that there would be no misunderstanding.

"No, you don't and you won't let anyone close enough to explain to them why you think that. So, we can't help you and until you get help you're going to keep thinking that. Which is why someone needs to force you to get help. This is your best friend slash brother and your boyfriend forcing you to get help before you hurt our friend anymore." James whispered in his best "trust me" voice.

"I don't want help, Prongs. It's no one's goddamn business."

"You need help, Padfoot. Now, the hard way or the easy way?" the messy-haired youth replied ignoring the begging in his best friend's tone.

Sirius considered it for a minute. He could try and climb out the window or rush for the door, but it would be two against one and he was tired- so tired of it all, even too tired to run from his problems and maybe that was a sign that he should face them. How long could he keep doing this to himself? He did everything he could to push everyone away and James and Remus were both still there. Unwavering.

Sirius sat on the edge of the bathtub, crossed his arms and lowered his forehead onto them. "Tell Shacklebolt that I'm ready whenever he is."

James nodded toward Remus who then headed for a phone and as Remus walked into the hall, the other marauder sat down beside Sirius.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Sirius whispered sadly, "Moony isn't my boyfriend. I dumped him remember, Prongs?"

James patted his arm reassuringly before answering, "That's okay, mate. The other marauders took a vote and you were overruled."

Shacklebolt was working the night shift at the CIS care facility. Normally, it was quiet- his main duty was to make sure that if he received a call for a child who was an immediate danger to themselves or those around them that he sent for a caseworker and orderlies with proper equipment, if necessary to bring the child in for at least seventy- two hours of supervision. He hadn't received any calls that night and was flipping through a copy of _Busty and Bewitching_ when the phone rang causing him to jump as if he had been caught.

He quickly shook his head and straightened his tie in an attempt to calm himself before picking up the phone, "Agent Shacklebolt of the CIS. How may I assist you?"

The voice on the other end was that of a teenage boy- one who was obviously very worried. "Yeah, uh, Agent Shacklebolt…. I don't know if you remember me, but this is Remus Lupin….and I could use your help…."

Because it was his first out-of-office assignment, perhaps because of the severe nature of the situation, perhaps because the abusers were never punished or perhaps because of the fear in the teenager's eyes when he had first found him- Shacklebolt had taken a special interest in the case and had memorized every detail- especially the names of the two youths who had started the CIS's involvement in Sirius Black's life. "Of course, I remember you, Remus. Is there something wrong with Sirius?"

"Yeah, you could say that…. Look, he's got some cuts….mostly on his shoulder, but there are some older ones all over and he got completely drunk tonight and he….he made some really bad decisions… Basically, he needs help, but he won't let James or I do anything… It's not an emergency, but could you please take him in? He needs to talk to someone and I'm afraid if he has a choice in the matter that'll never happen." Remus tried to explain in a nervous voice.

"Remus, I will be right over to help. Is he cooperating?" Shacklebolt assured the teenager as he began to gather his equipment.

"He's cooperating for now…." The young werewolf said, clearly uncertain about how long that cooperation would last.

"Just give me your address and I'll be on my way." Shacklebolt replied as he readied himself to write the address on his hand.

After he got the address, Kingsley grabbed his bag, shoved a strait jacket into it and grabbed a couple of self-admittance forms. Although he had not told Remus, because Sirius was not an immediate danger to his own life Shacklebolt did not have the power to forcibly admit the Black youngster to a care facility, but he had already made up his mind that that would not stop him. If necessary he would forge Sirius' signature on the admittance forms, because he would be damned if he was going to let the Blacks ruin that boy.

Sirius was still sitting on the edge of the tub with his face buried in his arms when Shacklebolt arrived. James was beside him; his arm around his best friend's shoulders- half to comfort him and half because he was still afraid that he would try to make a run for it.

"Hello, Sirius." Kingsley greeted as he stood outside the doorway.

Sirius looked up. He recognized the CIS agent, but with his head throbbing the way it was he couldn't remember his name. "Hi…." he greeted in return.

"I'm Agent Shacklebolt. You may not remember me, but I'm the caseworker for your living arrangements and your liaison to the CIS. Your friend Remus called me and told me that you needed some help tonight. Do you think you need some help, Sirius?" The CIS Agent had sat down beside Sirius and was using his most reassuring voice in hopes of not causing the lad to become even more agitated.

He didn't know if it was because he was so tired-so drained, because he didn't want to disappoint Remus and James, because he didn't' want James to tell his parents or because he had attempted to drink his own weight in booze earlier that night….as far as Sirius was concerned, it was probably the booze talking, but he nodded wordlessly.

"Okay, Sirius. Everyone needs help sometimes. Now, I want to take you back to the care facility so you can get some sleep and in the morning we'll start dealing with your problems, but first I need you to sign this paper that makes it official that you want me to help you. Do you think you can do that for me, Sirius?" Shacklebolt continued in his well-practiced reassuringly gentle voice as he help up a pen and the paperwork.

Sirius took the pen and he wrote something on the paper- it was barely legible, but it was two words and the first one clearly started with an S-i-r before looping like crazy around the page and that was good enough for the CIS Agent.

"Alright, Sirius. Let's get you to the car." Shacklebolt said as he patted the teen on the shoulder, but Sirius had fallen asleep and simply drooled in response.

So, with the aid of Remus and James, Agent Shacklebolt carried the snoring young Animagus to the CIS vehicle.

_Author's Note: I have been away sooooooo long and I know I suck. You may feel free to message me and tell me that I suck for being gone for so long. But please please please please please please review. I'm hoping to finish this story soon and if I don't finish the next chapter up within a week and a half, you can send me more angry messages and tell me that my shoes don't match and that I smell like mustard. __**Please**__ review, even if you only tell me whether or not you liked this chapter._


	9. Miss You Most of All, Scarecrow

**WARNING: This story contains homosexual love, mention of alcohol and sexual themes and language. I do not own **_**Harry Potter**_**, nor any of the characters, but if I did then the Shrieking Shack would have been called the Moaning Shack. ;)**

Somehow thinking despite the raging pain in his head, Sirius decided there were two possible explanations for what he was experiencing – either the room really was spinning out of control or he had just woken up from a hangover from hell. As memories of the night before starting rushing back to him, he decided it was the second one.

Sirius groaned as he remembered what he had done and buried his face in his hands as he remembered telling Remus._ "But it was for his own good. Something has to get him to see the truth" _he tried to tell himself, but he was unsure if he still believed that. He remembered the concern in Moony's eyes, screaming more about his stupid emotional problems to him and Prongs than they could possibly want to know and he remembered the fact they were both still there at the end of it. _"Maybe it isn't possible to drive them away"_ he considered.

Sirius stood on shaky legs and immediately regretted his decision. He ached all over and the increased elevation didn't do him any favors concerning the pounding in his head. He looked around the room and took a second to remember where he was. James had insisted on him going someplace for help, Sirius knew that much, but for the life of him he couldn't remember what it was called.

The bed he had been sleeping on was small- just big enough to fit one person. The sheets, blanket and pillow were bleach walls just like the walls and tile. Across from the bed was a silver metallic dresser, the only other piece of furniture in the rom. Sirius shuffled over to the dresser and began opening drawers, only to discover that they were all disappointingly empty. He was well aware that he smelled like a brewery and was sniffing his shirt to try and determine the extent of the damage when the door opened.

Sirius looked up suddenly. The man in the door was tall with broad shoulders, dark skin and balding hair. The marauder remembered him from his stay in the hospital and vaguely from the last day he was at 12 Grimmauld Place. However, Sirius had never bothered to learn his name.

"Hi…" Sirius said in an irritated voice.

"Hello, Sirius. How are you this, afternoon?" was Shacklebolt's calm reply.

"Tired. Confused. What time is it?" Sirius asked.

"It's about three in the afternoon- which means you should probably be getting dressed."

"Look, I have some questions first. Like- where exactly am I? Where are some clothes that don't smell like hobo? Where's a phone? And sorry about this one, what's your name?" asked Sirius leisurely, in no hurry to go along with whatever the CIS agent had planned.

"You're at a CIS care facility in London. I could have someone fetch you some clothes from the laundry while your currently…. alcohol-saturated ones are in the wash. Phones are located in the common room. Also, my name is Kingsley Shacklebolt. You may call me Agent Shacklebolt or Mr. Shacklebolt, I do however prefer the former" the CIS agent answered.

"So, Shacklebolt….." Sirius tried to begin.

"No."

"So, Kingsley…." Sirius tried again looking irritated.

"Absolutely not" was the slightly peeved reply.

"Kingster?" Sirius asked in a mischievous tone.

He received a glare in response.

"Shacks?"

Shacklebolt crossed his arms across his chest and raised his eyebrows. "Would you like me to send someone to fetch fresh clothes for you or not? I would think so because it currently looks like your pants experienced a rather unfortunate incident."

Sirius looked down and replied defensively. "You know, after so many drinks, it's rather hard to keep more of one's firewhiskey in one's mouth than on one's pants, Agent Shacklebolt."

"Shall we go get you a clean pair then, Mr. Black?" Kingsley replied with a smile.

Later That Day

"_Therapy Schedule for Sirius Orion Black: Private Therapy with Healer Kettleburn on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 5:00 pm in Office 301. Group Therapy schedule: To be determined."_

Sirius shook his head at the piece of paper that had been left taped to the door of his room at the care facility. If anyone thought he was going to sit through a private "whiny bullshit pussy feeling" sharing fest once a week, they were highly optimistic, but if they thought it was going to happen three times a week, then he wanted some of whatever they were smoking.

He was about to throw the note in the trash when he saw an assistant Healer coming down the hall- a wizard in a blue robes with a large stack of parchment tucked under one arm. "Hello, Mr. Black, I'm here to help you find Office 301" the blonde-haired wizard called from a few steps down the hall.

"You know, that's actually quite alright. I'm sure I'll be able to find it on my own. I was just about to head that way." Sirius replied plastering a smile on his face.

"Actually, Mr. Black., I'm afraid that I will have to insist. Follow me this way, please" came the stern reply.

Sirius saluted the wizard and rolled his eyes before following after him doing his best imitation of a muggle soldier march.

Friday in the Common Room

Friday evening found Sirius Black sitting in the common room on the phone with Prongs and Moony.

"Padfoot, please explain this one more time" James requested in a puzzled tone.

"It's like this, Prongs, I think I Sirius Black have successfully managed to scare away all the Healers qualified for counseling on the summer staff" Sirius answered, not quite managing to keep the pride out of his voice.

"Sirius, that isn't a good thing!" Remus shouted glaring at James who seemed to have taken it into his head that it was some sort of accomplishment.

"C'mon, Moony. I have to hear how he managed to get rid of three professionals trained to deal with 'trouble cases.'" James replied grabbing the phone back from the other marauder.

Sirius smiled. "Well, the first one, you see was rather easy. You see, Kettleburn had a Swedish accent… and…"

"And?" James asked ignoring glares from Remus.

"Apparently, he didn't appreciate me answering every question in an imitation of The Swedish Chef."

James giggled. Remus rolled his eyes. "The next one?" he asked.

"I may or may not have released an army of gnomes into her office with orders to burn the witch."

"And that scared her off?" Lupin asked, surprised that someone trained to deal with teens could be so easily frightened.

"They may or may not have picked her up and started heading for the door."

James thought this was a hoot.

"And the last one?" Remus demanded, trying to ignore James' howls of laughter.

"Uh… Well, you see, Moony, my love….."

"Yes, Sirius Black, trouble-maker extraordinaire? " Remus asked tapping his foot.

"Moony, you say the sweetest things!" Sirius replied placing a hand over his heart and pretending to swoon.

"Getting past the love fest, tell me the last story!" James demanded grabbing the phone and cupping his hand over Remus' mouth which earned him a glare from the werewolf.

"I may have pretended to try and seduce him." Sirius answered as nonchalantly as possible.

"I'm afraid I'm going to need details" James replied, ignoring Remus' attempts to move his hand.

"Well, you see, I'd seen him before and he was the overly masculine kind. Always talking to some of the fellow 'inmates' about Quidditch and the female 'inmates' all have crushes on him and flexing his muscles. Seemed like a total berk to me. So, I thought I'd come up with something special for him."

"And?"

"I might have borrowed a dress and some makeup from a red-headed witch I'd meet here, gotten dolled up and waited for him in his office."

"Sirius Black…." said marauder heard his boyfriend growl, but he could hear his best friend wrestling for the phone, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaand?" the messy-haired trouble-maker asked.

"Sang Happy Birthday, Mr. President in the style of the late Marilyn Monroe while on his desk and shaking my um….bosom" Sirius replied sheepishly.

James was laughed loudly, before noting the murder in Remus' eyes.

"Uh, Pads, I think Moony wants to talk to you…. And possibly tear you limb from limb" he whispered.

"That bad, huh? I'm gonna miss you, Prongs" was the whispered reply.

"I think I'm going to miss you most of all, Scarecrow" James quoted before Remus seized the phone.

"Hi, darling wonderful boyfriend of mine" the irritated werewolf asked in his most sarcastic voice.

"Hello, handsome. Would you like to hear a song? Happy birthday, to you….." the dark-haired youth began to sing breathily before being interrupted.

"How the bloody gnome's-tail do you think you're going to get help there, if you keep scaring away all the qualified Healers?" Remus demanded to the marauder on the other end of the phone and glared at the marauder in the room with him before hissing, "And you can stop giggling. It encourages him."

"Well, Moony, I would cooperate, but they were all such pains."

"How do you know they're all pains? You scared them all away the first day!"

"I'm a very good judge of character." Sirius replied defensively.

"Pads, dear, you think McGonagall wants your body, the Giant Squid is out to get you and that Dumbledore is gay! You're a good judge of character, like I'm a ladies' man!" Remus answered.

"All true! And you could be a ladies' man if you would get your face out of a book. Have I told you lately that you have great legs?" Sirius asked, hoping to get the conversation off track.

"Sirius…." his boyfriend answered shaking his head.

"Look, Moony. I'm sure they'll come up with someone else and I'll play nice with the next one, okay?" Sirius said in an attempt to console him.

Monday in Shacklebolt's Office

"Hello, Sirius" the CIS agent said before sitting down across from the gray-eyed boy.

"So….. You're my counselor now, too?" Sirius asked with surprise.

"Therapist. It seems that you have managed to scare off the actually qualified counselors which leaves me as your best option currently" Shacklebolt replied sternly.

Sirius nodded.

"However, before we continue I think it would be prudent if I tell you a few things. #1: I don't care if you do an imitation of the entire cast of The Muppets, I will still be your therapist. #2: I don't care if you send in an entire army of hippogriffs, I received an O on my Care of Magical Creatures .T, I will still be your therapist. #3: I don't care if you cross-dress, but if you insist on using sexual harassment against me, I will have you removed from the session and I will still be your therapist. Any questions?"

"Bork. Bork. Bork?"

Shacklebolt stared him down.

Sirius suddenly realized that this CIS agent was _veeery_ tall, broad-shouldered and not even slightly amused. "I mean, let's get started" Sirius amended with a cough.

_Author's Note: I know this chapter is slightly shorter than average, but I wanted to begin the actual counseling sessions in the next one. My goal is to update within a week and a half. I would love reviews. They make me smile, even the short ones. If you have questions, I will answer them, just send them my way. P.S. If anyone has a request for a Sirius/Remus oneshot, not related to this fic, I would *love*for you to PM. them to me. (Smut-style requests welcomed.)_


End file.
